People Don’t Change


When I say people don’t change, most of my friends disapprove.

The scientific study of human minds is based on the fact that humans have the capacity to change. Yet unfortunately, having the capacity to change doesn’t mean people do change. People are the most consistent thing in the whole world.

One frequent example they give me to is that “well, my boyfriend changed after we got married. He is a little more controlling and less responsive. So people do change after all!”

Then I intervene. Maybe he has always been like this. During the early stage of a relationship, while you are still dating, men need to try their best to win the hearts of their women. There’s a lot of uncertainty for men. So men tend to show the kind of behavior that women find desirable. But once you get married and the relationship is secure and men gain more control over it, and his true self emerges, which is overcontrolling tendencies and responsiveness.

So, he hasn’t actually changed, right?

(These are some experimental thinking while I wait for food. I am not asking anybody to believe these.)