People Don’t Change


When I say people don’t change my psychologist friends object. Psychologists are optimistic because their profession requires them to be so, like the cancer doctors.

What do I exactly mean when I say people don’t change?

Pathology is not an on-off switch. It’s a permanent condition.

If somebody has anger issues and treated you badly, they will treat everyone else the same. If somebody doesn’t know how to resolve interpersonal conflicts, it’s very unlikely that they will ever learn it. You can give them a second chance or a third chance, but they are very unlikely to change if they are truly pathological ones.

It requires significant professional intervention before people could learn to rewire them.

By the time somebody realizes that something is wrong with them, it’s usually too late. Either they are about to sign divorce papers or at the brink of a total collapse. At this stage, people seek the help of a therapist because they can’t take it any longer. But most people don’t reach this stage. They live with their pathological conditions forever, creating troubles for them and the people around them.

This is what I mean when I say people don’t change.